Wednesday, March 20, 2013
"Mothers of schoolchildren can have a tense relationship with time and, in some cases, an obsessive attachment to using it efficiently. One of the greatest injuries one can commit against a mother is to waste her time. Any form of time-wasting feels painful and sees our stress levels soar: traffic, red lights, a stalled computer, even a minute of idle conversation."
- Sarah Napthali, Buddhism for Mothers of Schoolchildren
I spend a lot of time mulling over the fact that I don't have any time. I also have a terrible habit of declaring, out loud: "There's so much to do!"
It's in my nature to wander - from one task to the next, around and then back again - a lovely way to be but not all that efficient. When I wrote about rhythms and routines a few weeks ago I started to really think about how I was using my time and, more importantly, where I was wasting it. I recently stumbled upon this article; I read the first few paragraphs and realised, rather shamefully, that the author was describing me. I am the chicken with its head cut off, flighty and, on some days, desperately chasing the clock and getting absolutely nothing done.
There are 168 hours in a week and 56 of those should be spent sleeping (8 hours a night). That leaves 112 hours to do and be. How should I spend them? Ronnie recently wrote about her organised days where she follows the general rule of ..have a place for everything and put everything in its place. With one simple sentence she may have changed the way I see and go about my days. Because, if I've learnt one thing about working from home it's this - doing the dishes, making dinner, answering Che's questions and replying to emails cannot happen within the same twenty minute period.
For the next week I'm going to give my days a little more structure by putting every task in its place. The very first change? I'm going to give myself a bedtime because it's been years since I've done so. More importantly I'm going to create a bedtime ritual where I spend the hour before 10pm preparing for sleep - a lavender bath, chamomile tea, and a good book is my intention this evening. Perhaps it's something you might consider too?
update: for a mother with a newborn or a young baby the opportunity to create a bedtime ritual is probably difficult, perhaps impossible. However, there is one thing you can do before you crash into bed and fall asleep in your clothes to ensure you make some time for 'you'.
When you lie down make a conscious effort to become aware of your breath. And then start to mentally travel around your body; starting at the crown of your head. Become aware of any tension and then contract that body part and release. Most women hold tension in their shoulders, neck, face and hands. But for good measure it might be a good idea to contract and then release your feet and buttocks too. Once your body is soft and relaxed come back to your breath and mentally repeat 'let' as you inhale and 'go' as you exhale. You might like to focus solely on your exhalation - the breath that softens, calms and grounds you.
This ritual will take about five minutes (not long!) and it ensures that you fall asleep relaxed as opposed to frantic and tense. Ultimately it will help you sleep better and deeper. Sweet dreams...
photos by luisa from our day in surry hills.
There are 168 hours in a week and 56 of those should be spent sleeping (8 hours a night). That leaves 112 hours to do and be. How should I spend them? Ronnie recently wrote about her organised days where she follows the general rule of ..have a place for everything and put everything in its place. With one simple sentence she may have changed the way I see and go about my days. Because, if I've learnt one thing about working from home it's this - doing the dishes, making dinner, answering Che's questions and replying to emails cannot happen within the same twenty minute period.
For the next week I'm going to give my days a little more structure by putting every task in its place. The very first change? I'm going to give myself a bedtime because it's been years since I've done so. More importantly I'm going to create a bedtime ritual where I spend the hour before 10pm preparing for sleep - a lavender bath, chamomile tea, and a good book is my intention this evening. Perhaps it's something you might consider too?
update: for a mother with a newborn or a young baby the opportunity to create a bedtime ritual is probably difficult, perhaps impossible. However, there is one thing you can do before you crash into bed and fall asleep in your clothes to ensure you make some time for 'you'.
When you lie down make a conscious effort to become aware of your breath. And then start to mentally travel around your body; starting at the crown of your head. Become aware of any tension and then contract that body part and release. Most women hold tension in their shoulders, neck, face and hands. But for good measure it might be a good idea to contract and then release your feet and buttocks too. Once your body is soft and relaxed come back to your breath and mentally repeat 'let' as you inhale and 'go' as you exhale. You might like to focus solely on your exhalation - the breath that softens, calms and grounds you.
This ritual will take about five minutes (not long!) and it ensures that you fall asleep relaxed as opposed to frantic and tense. Ultimately it will help you sleep better and deeper. Sweet dreams...
photos by luisa from our day in surry hills.
48 COMMENTS
Oh jodi, it is so hard and I sympathize with your juggle to fight the time...an uphill battle. being a mum is one of the most splendid things in the world, but it is oh so draining. I think that not only you should spend some intentional time before you go to sleep, but perhaps some quiet time before the wee ones awake? At night I am just. so. exhausted. I collapse in the evening somedays. However I find I crave the early morning time: to sort my thoughts, to clear my mind, to meditate, to partake in small rituals that are set apart from the children, to write, to listen to my breathing, enjoying the first making of my coffee (or tea). best autumn wishes in this new season of your life. xxoo
ReplyDeleteI try, most days, to rise before the children but I find it's only possible if I have a good sleep - hence the strict bedtime! x
DeleteMy son likes to wake about half four or five in the morning, I feed him before putting him back to his bed for another hour or so - before I crawl back into my bed, I thoroughly adore having a shower...I take my time, my baby is asleep (or at least doesn't need anything!) and I am not tired from a big day - I am of course still 'tired', any mother's permanent state!
Deleteof course you get up early. silly me. love your discipline with the strict bedtime! xo
DeleteTime is a very important issue for me. I feel like I blink and lose three days. I can hardly grasp that my boys are grown...where did that time go. Everything should have its own place and one of the hardest things I've learned is that I function better when I have control over each thing...not twenty things at once controlling me. I love your bedtime routine. I think I may start that myself tonight.
ReplyDeleteSarah
I try to give myself that hour of gently, gradually preparing for bed - and when I do, it works so well. I've started to leave my phone on the charger upstairs so I am not tempted to quickly check emails/instagram before I turn off the light (BIGGEST time waster!)...I still haven't decided on a book to read next - but I've heard some good things about The Snow Child, so think that might be it. Getting into a good book makes heading for bed so much more appealing! Happy (and peaceful) bedtime rituals to you x
ReplyDeleteI'm reading The Snow Child at the moment - thoroughly recommend :-)
Deleteyou will love the snow child claire, beautiful read x
DeleteDid you write this for me? That bedtime ritual sounds absolutely delicious. I actually managed to be in bed at 10pm last night and woke up at 7am this morning with a sore back (if I spend more than 8 hours in bed I always get a sore back - perhaps a sign that 8 hours is enough and I should get up at 6am before the boys wake up!). Anyway, I like the sound of a bath and a book.
ReplyDeleteI get distracted so easily (just as like I did here catching your post when I should be making lunch for Graeme and I or sorting through some paperwork!). The one time I allow myself to get completely lost and distracted is in the garden and I love it. It's so much nicer when I can let myself flow rather than give myself a hard time because the last task wasn't completed. We should go easy on ourselves - a bedtime ritual sounds like the perfect start. x
lavender bath? Sounds perfect... i'll bring my togs.
ReplyDeletetoo far?
yes, i thought so ;)
I thought 'togs' was just a Queenslander thing? ha!
DeleteI thought "togs" was a New Zealander thing!
Delete"togs" is definitely all over NZ. Only name I've called them my whole life :-)
DeleteTogs is just a dork thing, i think. Guess we're all in the club *high fives*
Delete;)
xx
In the last few weeks I've ordered myself to bed before 9.30pm... is really does make a huge difference. Because I'm solo parenting most of the time, this often means leaving the dishes until the next morning and turning a blind eye to the mess of toys. But that extra hour or so of sleep each night is much more valuable to me than having a tidy house. I think it's about being conscious of priorities and only doing what REALLY matters, and doing it whole-heartedly... rather than trying to do a half-arse job of everything. xx
ReplyDeletei think that, living into what really matters to us, whole-heartedly & with an open spirit, is oh so important. i have just been thinking about how some days i would be oh so embarrassed if a friend popped over. xo
DeleteI love this post! I have a quite haphazard approach to my days, and creating some daily rituals - particularly in eveningtime, would be such a lovely way to bring calm into our home. I can see how much our children love their bedtime rituals, and it never occurred to me that I might find it beneficial too! Thank you x
ReplyDeleteJodi I am so heartened by your honest post. I thought I was the only one who 'wandered from one task to the next - around and back again'. So, it is comforting to read I am not alone. Working from home it is difficult to keep 'office hours'. A couple of strategies I have put in place since reading Leonie Dawson's Life and Business e-workbooks is to set 3 Most Important Tasks for each day and then work through them with single minded focus - this means making sure children are occupied allowing me to work uninterrupted on said task, not procrastinating on blogs and social media (I actually use that as a reward for when I have done the work! :-) I am testing out not 'multi-tasking' and it seems to be working. I aim for one or two early nights each week, I just couldn't commit to an early night every night. The other strategy I am trialling is 'switch off sunday' a computer free day. This is great because if I know I can't turn my computer on on sunday it forces me to be efficient on the other 6 days. Above all, go gently and remember the seasons of motherhood, each season bringing with it a new rhythm and a changing relationship with time and our children xx
ReplyDeleteOh that quote is so striking. I find myself evaluating conversations, mid-sentence, wondering if I should be exiting soon. How awful. Done right, social media has helped me with this a little, in the day to day. I see other's relishing their mundane yet lovely moments, and I think, "ah yes, me too." That's when I just check it once or twice, it doesn't follow when I spend all of naptime "catching up."
ReplyDeleteBedtime rituals are almost a given with children, so yes, why don't we do it for ourselves? Thankyou Jodi for another lovely, gentle reminder to slow down and be ever present. I'll be enjoying my chamomile tea tonight :)
ReplyDeleteIve been doing the happiness project thing where "...if it takes a minute or less do it now" thing. It works for me as i find if i have the small stuff sorted the big stuff is easier to get to and do. Ive no hope of routine or early nights with a newborn but this time of year we switch to candles and lamps after dinner which is very soothing x
ReplyDeleteoh Jodi, I just wrote a short little post about life balance and missing the days of no routine because now with a school child and one at kinder I am forever "chasing my tail" and feeling like I'm time wasting. I'm starting to schedule my chores, our activies, declare certain nights for games, or play, or interactive dinner where the kids help cook. I miss my endless days without my babes (ok..I'm sure there were days back then I couldn't wait to ship them out the door) but I agree with the sentiment in your post entirely. As for the bedtime..well, being a nightowl, it's my most efficient time of the day, but perhaps a bath a couple of times a week should be mandatory! thanks for sharing xx
ReplyDeleteThere's a headless chook here too! Your post (and Ronnie's too) is just what the doctor ordered. A lavender bath is on the menu tonight. Wishing you calm and efficient days lovely soul (and a tiny hint of smugness when it all falls into place) x
ReplyDeleteIn relation to your ritual - this is what my mum used to do! She said she started at her toes and toe by toe, foot by foot, leg by leg etc told each muscle to relax and go to sleep and then she said by the time she got to her head and told her head to relax and go to sleep she only had to count to 3 and she was fast asleep. This would have been over 20 years ago. Ahead of her time!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic quote! I completely relate to every single word of it. I think I am a bit obsessed with using my time efficiently and get quite cranky when I feel someone or something is wasting my time. The traffic in Sydney just about killed me and I don't like being cornered at the school gate to listen to gripes over school politics. Can't say I'll be joining you with a nightly lavender bath ritual but only because we are on tank water and don't have enough water :-D But I do spend evenings doing whatever I like from 7.30pm onwards, usually something crafty so that is my unwind time. Lovely Post. Mel x
ReplyDeleteI think you must've written this for me... I've only had a school boy for three short weeks but already I am eagerly anticipating the school holidays and the chance to slow down and have no routine! I've been compared to a butterfly before. Constantly moving, flitting stopping momentarily to have a cup of tea, but I never seem to really achieve anything! Besides drinking copious amounts of tea...
ReplyDeleteYes, we must certainely slow down sometimes.Your photos are great!
ReplyDeleteWise thoughts and words dear Jodi, I find I sleep better (and feel so much better the next day) when we are disciplined about getting to bed at a reasonable hour and finishing the night screen-free with a good book, cup of night-time tea, warm bath or cuddle...
ReplyDeletei really needed to read this post tonight. i am always thinking and saying "there's so much to do" and the days when i am flighty and jump from one task to another i don't get a lot done. focus is what i need (oh and a regular bedtime!) x
ReplyDeleteWhen I did Hypnobirthing I learned that style of relaxation...and after practicing for nine months, I got really good at it!
ReplyDeleteAnd I still do it, just about every night...I start at my head and work my way down to my feet and then I generally need to come back to my head and relax the muscles around my eyes and my mouth again.
And then I drift off into sweet sleep!
I stay at home full-time with my two little ones. My bedtime sometimes feels like the only time of my day that I can control, and which is not dictated by the whims of a toddler or a baby. That also means I often stay up waaaaay too late. But that time between when the rest of the house goes to bed and when I go to bed has become my "me" time. I know I need more sleep, and I know this isn't sustainable long-term, but I haven't reached the tipping point where my sleep is more important than my late night "me" time.
ReplyDeletegood tips!
ReplyDeleteNothing brings you more patience and clarity than a good nights sleep. Sometimes, it feels so old and lame to be heading to bed at 9.30, but when I wake with Josephine at 7.30am, I am so pleased I didn't stay up getting distracted with TV, the computer or knitting. The difference I feel in myself, and therefore in the way I parent and spend my day, is amazing. Totally worth being laughed at my younger, cooler siblings for whom anything before midnight is early ;) xx
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing the difference between tense sleep and relaxed sleep. Mothers definitely lean more towards the tense side, but you are right to remember to rest calmly no matter how difficult that is.
ReplyDeleteOne of the greatest injuries against a mother is to waste her time - Oh, my goodness how I can relate to this! This is the straight up truth to me. Sometimes I actually feel remorseful if I think I've spent my time unwisely. It's really silly when I think about it - thank you for these wonderful reminders. And I think I might give myself a bedtime too!
ReplyDeletexo
cortnie
one of the best pieces of advice i ever received, and constantly utilize now as a mum, is simply: take 5 mins. before you leave a room, and tidy it. put things back where they go, push the chairs in, put the stack of shirts on the bed in the drawer. it takes less than the said five minutes and helps enormously overall.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of creating a before bedtime ritual. As a grown woman it's not something I've ever done. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, maybe something like that will help?! Thanks for this lovely post Jodi xx
ReplyDeleteThank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful! Thank you Jodi for this gorgeous reminder. It's amazing what a little conscious breathing can do for the soul.
ReplyDeleteSophie x
as a mother of a 3 month old i really do miss my old bedtime routine of reading in bed. i will try your relaxation techniques, although i fear i may fall asleep before finishing!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post & I love the mantra of LET GO. This could not have come at a better time for me in my life. I have several very big choices I need to make & no matter which roads I chose structure will be vital to my well being (& my families)
ReplyDeleteYou've hit a nerve with just about every reader of your blog! Often I wonder how I make better use of my time, and it's the little things: time for ourselves, a ritual, and consciously slowing down.
ReplyDeleteSetting a bedtime is so simple, and yet how many of us actually set one (or even more so, go to bed at that time)? I am currently on Long Service Leave. My husband and I are renovating our beach cottage. While it's a 'holiday', I'm as busy as ever with my two children and their daily ritual too. I think holidays with children is just changing locations. That being said, I've made a mental note to sleep more, blog more, take more photographs, spend more time with my children, and visit more of my favourite blogs, and there's been time for all of that!
xxx
oh such sound advice and reminding. thank you.
ReplyDeleteI flit from task to task too... things get done, but not as efficiently I'm guessing as they could :) I like to wind down at night too - lights dimmed, a hot drink to calm the body, quiet reading time with the computer switched off etc... sets me in a better frame of mind doing so and then heading to bed at a reasonable hour. Enjoy the lavender bath!! x
ReplyDeleteGorgeous colours! What a lovely sight
ReplyDelete-Jade
gracious-silhouettes.blogspot.co.uk
I think it's natural for mothers to feel this way. I do, and I have been a mother for 16 years!
ReplyDeleteAnd also, the creative people in the world, like you (and me) and many others seem to need time to wander from thing to thing.
That's where the magic is.
Totally love her hat, beautiful pictures
ReplyDeletewww.vindiebaby.com
Vintage Inspired Fashion by Independent Designers for Your Little darling
Love your blog! Just wanted to say that your daughter reminds me of a pretty Australian model named Codie Young
ReplyDelete